Remembering, Transition, and Growth

Albert Koetsier - Walking through nature

My father passed away this past month. As a result, this has been an extremely difficult time for me and my family. I even considered not publishing the BOS newsletter this month. However, I followed an example my father shared taught me about resilience through adversity. I channeled my grief into actually making this a more productive month for myself, quite possibly the most productive one for me this year.

My father was my mentor and a role model. After a long career working as an employee for a large corporation himself, he transitioned to becoming an artist and eventually into a business owner. Then when he had achieved success with that, he again pivoted and focused on sharing his knowledge with the world as a lecturer. I know that all those transitions were not easy, yet my father always managed to channel each difficulty into a foundation for the next step forward.

When my father passed, I took time to grieve, but as the loss was eating me up, I asked myself how my father delt with adversity. Each step backward in life was tackled with inquisitive wondering. With superhuman calm, he would step back from the calamity, try to understand it logically, and then start the work of overcoming it.

This is because long before, my father had taken the time to learn how to cope with adversity through experience and study (especially by reading). My father was a student of life. He was endlessly fascinated with the philosophical questions about the world around him. He was always curious to learn how humans progressed, sometimes though the most incredibly difficult times.

So, when he faced his own trials, he did what others had done, and always managed to move forward through difficult times. Surely this was something I could do as well. So, I did the same thing. I stood back from the tragedy of losing such an important person in my life. Instead of slipping into anger and frustration, I tried to understand it logically. The I went to work on overcoming it.

I focused all my energy on being the type of person my father wanted me to be. Wallowing in despair achieved nothing but working to better myself as a person would at least propel me forward. I first tackled handling his affairs as best as I could, I worked with my family to put things in order, and then I decided to take on the task of restoring his business – as his health had been failing, it had also faltered.

It's still work in progress, but I see resurrecting his art business as part of his legacy, a statement to the things he left behind for the rest of us. I’m now working on a new business plan, renegotiating contracts with vendors and suppliers, rebuilding the business models, and restoring the online presence of the business.

Interestingly, this has been incredibly instructive for my own business. My father was actually quite innovative in the way he ran his business, and I am learning new ways of doing things. As a result, I’ve also found greater clarity on running my own business, which has also invigorated it. I have significant plans to expand what I am doing in my own business, things I would not have undertaken otherwise.

It was only when I was well underway with these things that I realized that focusing on work is one of the best ways to cope with tragedy in life. It takes your mind off of the loss and focuses it on the very immediate things that need to occur anyhow. In that way, it serves two purposes.

For me, this has been a dramatic change, not just for the businesses, but also in my personal life. I’ve taken on several new projects around the house that were definitely needed. I’ve also increased my workouts, changed my eating habits for the better, become more consistent on getting up early, and I’ve even scheduled more doctor’s appointments than I’ve had all year – small business owners tend to put personal health on the backburner.

I sure don’t hope any of you have a personal tragedy like I recently experienced. I won’t lie, it’s a very hard blow, especially when the person you lose is such an important part of our lives. The fact remains that we all have difficult times; sometimes significant ones, but more often smaller setbacks that even if small, still impact us deeply. Anything from a bad fiscal quarter to a car accident can be such a setback. For every one of these, having the proper coping mechanisms is critical.

I also realize that being able to step back from it, trying to understand it logically, and then start the hard work of overcoming it is not easy. It takes discipline, the kind my father learned over a long life of studying others. However, we can benefit from what he learned by trying to follow the same steps. I know it’s possible because I am doing it now.

The loss of my father will never be replaced with work on myself, and that is not the intent. However, it does indeed help me cope with it. In the process, this has significantly improved my life and that is a blessing in itself. More importantly, perhaps, is that I know this is what my father would want for me.

The best way I can honor him is to take the wisdom that he left for me to move forward and that is something I fully intend to do. Likewise, I hope that by sharing this, it also helps anyone else who is currently dealing with a setback in life, whether large or small. After all, we are here to learn from each other.